[~~*H E L E N A*~~]

YFriday, July 10, 2009Y

A very touching story...

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology.
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning...It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch ... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.' I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.' I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son.

When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me; hope...' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?' I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to

LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS

NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

Ybrain updated by piggy at 10:52 AMY

YWednesday, June 24, 2009Y

[W]hat do you do if you love the job you have? You love the job scope, the enivornment, the bosses and even the location. Everything is perfect that you wouldn't mind working there all your life until you get old and have a million kids running around you. You smile after a tiring yet fruitful day. You never have to drag yourself up every morning to go to work and even if you have to work early or do Overtime, you're still happy?

What will you do? You'll stay on in the company right?

[N]ow let's add a few disadvantage to the all-too-good-to-be-true picture from above. The above stays ALMOST the same. The difference is that the people whom you work with, also known as your colleagues, are always having fun, talking and joking with each other. You try to fit in and have conversations with them but they are either not interested or the topic is boring and dry(work lah, what you doing after work lah etc...). However, they seem to laugh about everything and can have a simple yet fun conversation over oat breakfast or stuff like that. When they want to get breakfast from the coffee shop, everyone wants and can tag along but when you want to go, the excuse is that too many people go, bosses not happy. You realise that every time they talk, you are always quiet. Lunch is eaten with absolute silence for you and you only. This has made you drag feet to work, leave office when the clock strikes 6pm and look forward to teaching kids only so that you can break your own silence. You wonder what problems lies with you. You blame yourself and pull your self-esteem with it. You no longer know who you are because you are so lowly that to speak is a crime or just to make a fool out of yourself...

What will you do now? Will you leave or will you stay?

Ybrain updated by piggy at 11:02 AMY

YTuesday, June 23, 2009Y

He asked me a question last night...
And I could not answer him...
"Why are you still holding on to this relationship?"
I kept quiet, I fake quietness...
But inside, deep inside, it hurts

Is it because I still love him?
Or is it because I'm afraid to let go.
Maybe I do not wish to be lonely,
Because I am lonely everywhere I go
Home, work, church...

Home, the place of love and warmth.
But all I hear is the screams of anger,
The tone of dissatisfaction, discontentment
Orders of a army camp within four walls
The only love is when money is shown

Work, a place where money comes
The joy of children's laughters and smiles
Yet the people whom you call colleagues or friends,
Are always having fun and talking to each other!
Yet you wonder why your always so quiet.

Church, the holy of holy place
Where God is the center of our lives
Yet the gossips and judgements never ends
And the christ-like are nothing but mask
Where can you find a true face of love

I wonder in my sleep
I wonder in my journey
I wonder in my thoughts
I wonder in my readings
Is my existence a pain to others and me

Death is all that surrounds me
Death is all I'm looking forward
Death is the day when I sleep
And all the sadness will be gone
But will anyone be there at my death...

Ybrain updated by piggy at 9:54 AMY

YMonday, June 22, 2009Y

[T]here so many sadness and I want to share it with him…my problems at home, my problems at work, my problems at church…but I can’t share it with him because every problem I tell him, makes him dislike them even more…

[I]'m so sad inside…having him is like no longer having him…I don’t feel like marrying him anymore…how can I be with someone whom I can’t share my joy and sufferings…

[I]'m keeping my distance from him…I won’t talk with him, I won’t go out with him…I don’t even want to celebrate my birthday with him…It’s like I don’t even know him anymore…after what happened last Monday…it seems I can never tell him how I feel anymore, what is on my mind or what I am doing…

[E]verything that is important to him I have to accept...but all the things that are important to me he does not like and if I ask him to accept, I am forcing him...

[L]osing all my dignity for him, becoming his pet...agreeing to everything he says and keeping quiet when his angry...his temper and anger is getting more frequent...and I am not allowed to be sad or angry or show my anger...I am just like a pig in the cage ready to get slaughter anytime now...I just some strength to stand up on my own two feet and run away from him...

Is there anymore love between us?

Ybrain updated by piggy at 11:25 AMY

YFriday, June 12, 2009Y

[I]s it too dependent... Is it insecurity... Is it fear of loneliness... Is it the lost of self... Or is it just some selfish reasons???

Ybrain updated by piggy at 11:40 AMY

YTuesday, June 09, 2009Y

[F]inally got braces...

Ybrain updated by piggy at 10:26 AMY

YSunday, May 31, 2009Y

[H]ad a lot to catch up with....*sigh*....

[D]riving lessons are driving crazy...I got so nervous during pre-test that i could not park, forgot about safety checks, mount kerbs, roll down the slopes and all kinds of stupid mistakes...how to go for TP like this....argh..............but driving auto is so much easier....damn....

[M]et up with sarah the other day for dinner and shopping...ended up with shopping and dinner...We couldn't stop laughing when we found out we were wearing the exact same bra at the exact same day...*laughs*...the irony of it!!!

[I] didn't make it for Amanda's farewell dinner...my legs aren't talking no more...went straight home for a long long sleep...even missed out on camelia's run...sorry people...I was just too tired...

[P]entecost went well...I was just happy that Zhi Xian came...Love you for it so so so so much...

[M]eeting up with 1J later at sentosa...haven seen the sun for a really long time...but not as long as seeing my good old frenz again...it will be great to see who has changed into what...at least i know I've put on lots of weight...haha...post back later...

Ybrain updated by piggy at 8:34 AMY

YWednesday, April 29, 2009Y

[T]his song best describe my feelings to you right now...
If only you knew how much I love you
How much I never want to let you go
This pain in me is unbearable...it hurts so much...I am lost and confused...

If only you were there to show me the way & comfort me like you always do...

Janice - Never Let You GO

The rain just never seems to bring
The joy I feel the same.
Everlasting pain of my loss remains.

My heart can’t seem to learn to part
The hold you left you mark.
All that I dreamed of now it seems so stark.

Though I told myself won’t hold my breath
a part of me was dying.
There is nothing left for me to do now.
But give in.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I won’t
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know I’d never let you go.

The way you left me on the train.
I don’t know what to say.
I remember everything of that day

I can’t believe we’d never dance
I just need one more chance
To share the sunset our one last romance

Though I told myself won’t hold my breath
a part of me was dying.
There is nothing left for me to do now.
But give in.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I won’t
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know I’d never let you go.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would sing to you and tell you I won’t
Live my life without you.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling.
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes.
And you know I’d never let you go.

Ybrain updated by piggy at 10:36 AMY

YTuesday, March 31, 2009Y

[W]ent prawning 2 days ago on Sunday with Daniel & Kathy...it was pretty fun

[H]ad a company dinner on 18 march to celebrate Ellery, Grace, Joshua & Shiling's birthday... Ate at this placed called Miss Clarity Cafe...pretty cute place (really pink and all...) and the food was fantastic! It was a special menu set by Chef Jonathan because he is a good friend of El...

Lobster Bisque With Brie Cheese...

Result: The lobster bisque being absorbed into the bread and cheese giving it an intense flavor to the taste buds. Smooth down the throat with a touch of sweetness.

French Escargot backed in garlic butter sauce...

Result: Easy to remove escargots and tasty too. Its smooth and buttery ...very good for people who hasn't eaten snails. Just think of it as eating Fish 'N' Co's butter garlic mussels...oh,the little crystals under the escargots are salt crystals...

Beetroot was baked in a salted crust-like cave for hours...

Result: The beetroot was very soft yet hard at the same time...like cutting through potato, but felt like fish meat in your mouth...no taste of beetroot at all...healthy dish filled with goodness for those who hate the taste of beetroots.

Eggs were placed in a sachet and cooked over very low fire for 2 hours!!!

Result: The egg yolk was a solid yet soft finish. The good ones look really nice...those eggs that were not cooked enough looked a lot like soft-boiled eggs. I was tempted to add soy and pepper...

Salmon packed into vacuum packs and cooked for 6 hours in the oven under low heat...

Result...soft, juicy, delicious salmon with no seasoning. Just it's own natural delicious taste. Even the cauliflower was soft and tasty...yummy

Beef was cooked under low heat until medium-rare...The potato was lightly salted and roasted very nicely...

Result: The perfect medium rare quality. Cooked on the outside but still red inside without the overflowing bloody mess...Potato was fantastically soft on the inside yet covered with a chewy skin.

Cream, hazelnut mousse and chocolate ice-cream top with icing sugar...

Result: Rich and creamy, very filling for a dessert. The ice-cream is home-made...take a bite of the ice-cream, you'll instantly feel it's much colder than any ice-cream you have ever tasted...very unique...

[B]ought a very nice and delicious cake from the shop...and had 29 candles for all 4 of them...

Before editing.....boring and mono-tone

After editing...adding a few laughs

Ybrain updated by piggy at 5:08 PMY

YFriday, March 20, 2009Y

[L]ong time since I last blog…just don’t have much to say…

[S]ometimes I find that my mum is the most wonderful person in the whole world. But at other times when I don’t think she is the most wonderful person, she can really be very demanding… Last night when I was falling asleep, I heard her screaming at the top of her voice… Putting down my brother and sister, saying things like how stupid and useless they are, comparing them to other children, complaining how she should not have gave birth to them and so on…it started out with the way my brother and sister were sitting(boy like girl, girl like boy) and she went on and on…never realizing the impact she is putting in them…their self-esteem put down, calling them stupid and useless and making them think they are, comparing them to others and making them feel inferior…these are the kind of words that drive them to be negative thinking people… they were soon want to be like their peers, and if they do follow the wrong peers, lead them into traps they can never get out of…I am sometimes worried that my siblings may turn out like me…and I don’t want that for them…

[W]hen I think of all the negative thoughts that runs through my brain 24/7, I actually realize the impact she had on me when I was young…and this has brought me up, having bad thoughts of myself, being inferior to others, and always the slaves of others… sometimes it’s so bad you feel like the world is meaningless because all the negative thoughts just make you feel this way…

[A]nd now, I have this resentment in office…everyone just dislike me…everything that everyone does is always accepted by everyone else but whatever I do is always wrong… If an argument arose, I am always the one who is trying to pick a fight, etc, never the one who is trying to defend herself, trying hard to make everyone to stop treating me like I am stupid or a brainless person… that maybe I am better than them in certain things that I have been doing all my life… I observe a lot, and I know how people react to certain things… but sometimes when it’s their job, they think that only their ways are the best…well let it be. I am tired of helping people and not being appreciated. I am tired of giving experience advice but ignored… I am tired of being ignored in this company… Since nobody likes me, then so be it… Since people always put their frustration on me but never on others, so be it…I rather be somewhere else where people actually treat me like a human and listens to me…I am so fed-up…

[I] admit I do have my flaws. But doesn’t anyone else have it? How come they only pin-point me and never others… Why am I always the target…? Why is it that when I am hurt and I retaliated in the same way they treated me, it is always my fault… Why is it that when people are at fault, nobody says anything but when I do, everyone finds fault in me…Why is it that everyone clicks but I am always out-cast? Am I really a difficult person to be around?

Ybrain updated by piggy at 10:04 AMY